Claiming Space

We find ourselves in a new era. One that did not come from no where but has been built on everything that came before. Yet still, it feels like a total shock even to those paying attention. Everything has been upended. I know I am still spinning from it all. One tactic, not new especially to activists and political speakers on the left is social media censorship. But it is here with new fervor and new power.

So I decided its now time to dive into an experiment -a blog. Or perhaps more specifically a way to share my process, my work, and thoughts through my own platform. Not one moderated by the deranged tech oligarchs. One where I can stretch and move and share process in a way that is right for me, rather than in the structured formats concocted by others. Expect to see more writing, behind the scenes on artworks and their symbolism, updates on the personalized clothing I make, and perhaps some poetry.

Over the last year I have been frustrated to realize how much I still live within an instinct that tells me I must twist and mold myself to fit within the structures, moods, and needs of others. Not purely frustrated with these external forces, but how the live within me. I think anyone who has been marginalized in our society contends with this. Living with the felt experience of nothing being made for us and thus sometimes not even making our own lives for us.

It is impossible to tease out how much is trauma and how much is patriarchy, heteronormativity, and oppressive structures. Perhaps because they are systems build of violence and trauma passed down through generations. The lines blur, when I name the violence I experienced as a little girl that shaped me, I must also name the ways that gendered and racial power dynamics impacted the people causing that harm. Do I blame them or the social structures they enforce?

This feeling of silencing and twisting oneself to meet the needs of others is one I attempted to articulate in the sculpted self portrair on For you, Everything. That sense that if I could just change shape everything would be ok and I would be loved and safe.

And I am exhausted of it. My muscles are tired of holding that tension. And my throat is scorched by all of the swallowed words. This may be an era of increased censorship. But I pray that it is an era where I am done censoring myself - harming myself - for the comfort of others.

Claiming the space and dignity I - and all of us - deserve.

At this moment in history, its essential to reflect on who do we want to be - what do we leave behind? I know for me I do not want my legacy to be one where I continue to cut myself off. Not allowing my full voice and power to emerge. I want to contribute to the building of something new. Not just the tearing down. In a sense the regime that we are now under in the US has given us a gift. They are tearing it all down for us. So instead of activists on the left being primarily focused on that, what happens when we turn our attention to the building, to the imagining of new systems, new ways of being, and caring for each other? When we set new terms for our lives?

I am humbled and grateful to be starting this spring off with a workshop on Domestic Violence within the FLINTA/Queer woman and trans community, and specifically how we address healing and harm together so that we can strengthen our communities. To allow the responding to harms to build our capacity for resourced connection. That is my hope.

In Philadelphia? Join us.